Cell Phone Soup


Do you want to make some soup with cell phones?

Yes, me too.

Last night I was souping it (new favorite verb) with one of my favorite new recipes that I had received from Brother Mitch and Wife Michelle, some kind of delectable peanut-sweet potato soup. So I thought I was on the right track sautéing the onions and garlic.

Once the onions reached the point of pearly translucence, I tossed in the diced tomatoes and sweet potato and vegetable broth and water. A slave to my craft I pulled the stepladder by the stovetop as I monitored the roiling, boiling cauldron.

And as the potatoes reached the appropriate softness I added the peanut butter, a splash of milk, some chile cobanero, cinnamon, salt and pepper. After letting this all simmer and mingle I brought out the blender.

My blender, of the Oster variety, was in storage and so I thought I’d use my roommate’s blender. Her blender is black and a bit imposing with its square blockish build and smooth buttons. I plugged it in and the blender’s digital display sprang to life. What the hell is this? Some kind of crazy Knightrider blender?

The blender said ‘Hello.’ I always find it funny that when something has a digital display the manufacturer programs it to say ‘Hello’ and ‘Goodbye.’ There were so many times with my old VCR that I felt hurt and neglected when it didn’t greet me, but once I got that DVD player complete with digital greetings, my life was full of love and warmth and delight! Just as I’m sure Kit delighted these cats.

I poured the gloppy, chunky soup into the blender for the final step in my preparation. The blender had buttons numbered one to nine and two more: S and P. Since one was all the way to the left I assumed it was the lowest speed.

I secured the top and touched the button. And then things went awry. The blender engaged its 5 million horsepower turbocharged engine and the lid shook loose as boiling soup shot out the gaps splattering the kitchen and me with orange soup, that when not in a bowl and not garnished with cucumbers and peanuts, looks remarkably like vomit. And that’s when I realized there didn’t seem to be an off button.

I struggled to keep the lid in place as boiling soup squirt out the lid and hit me in the hands, face and feet. It took about 10 seconds for the blender to run its cycle. The digital display showed no remorse. A quarter of it was spread around the kitchen and the rest in the jar.

I resolved that marginally chunky soup was okay, rather than tangle with this formidable adversary again, and so unplugged it without so much as a good bye.

My roommate heard the hullabaloo and came out to see what had happened.
“Oh yeah, sorry, that’s an industrial grade blender,” she said. “They advertise it by showing how you can even blend cell phones in it.”

This is how we make soup in New Mexico. And this is where you can find the blender, http://www.willitblend.com/
Man, that is an amazing blender!

Kyle Ronald Freund


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