duh, Germany, protest

Cheerios… plain

This image is from a blog post titled "Why Communists Hate Cheerios," which is true. They also hate babies. And love.

I love Cheerios. Yes, I know. They are very plain. They are neither sweet nor salty. But it is true.

Now we will do some math. Figuring that I ate a box a week when I lived in the United States, subtract two years for when I lived in Guatemala, subtract – well let’s be generous – about nine years for when I was small. Now you have about 22 years. Multiply that by 52 weeks, which is 1,144-18oz boxes or roughly 1,287 pounds of Cheerios that I have run through my system. Then multiply that by about the $2.73 I roughly estimate for average box cost and I (or my parents) have spent over $3,123.12 shoving all of those wholesome ‘o’s down my throat.

For as long as I can remember, Cheerios have formed a grand part of my diet, akin to Koreans and kim-chi*.

Until now .

Sometimes you just assume that you can get everything you want wherever you go. Life is a fairy tale and we skip along blissfully ignorant.

But you will not find Cheerios here in Germany. I have searched far and wide scouring store shelves all up and down the Rhine River searching for that yellow box to no avail. I have relegated myself to eating muesli and yogurt every morning and snacking on pretzels at night, but deep in my heart my longing knows no end.

An OAT cereal ready to eat.

Even in Guatemala, I could descend from the mountains once a month and purchase the yellow box for a slightly inflated price to sate my hunger. But traipsing through store upon store here in Deutschland it’s only sweet flakes and chocolate puffed, hazelnut stuffed, tiny wheaty pillows that stare back at me.

I wondered aloud to family members if it was indeed true that Cheerios were not sold in Germany, which prompted my dear mother into action. Tonight I received an e-mail that she had spent 20 minutes on the telephone with some mucky-muck from General Mills recounting my sad tale and he admitted that they do not distribute Cheerios in Germany.

Which is cool, fine. Whatever General Mills fancy-pants people. I guess I’ll have to dedicate myself to muesli and pretzels. Maybe I’ll come back some day, but you never know.**

*Speaking of which, did you hear about the kim-chi shortage in Korea (shout out to Laura A. for the link-up)?

**Please don’t misconstrue this note as a plea to send me boxes of Cheerios. Shipping is three times expensive as the box of Cheerios. Better off donating $10 to the Friends of Guatemala fund for education efforts out there. Actually, do that now. It’s a no overhead type of nonprofit with all cash flow going to student scholarships. Since their founding in 1989, over $750,000 has gone to schooling. So cut a check and send it here: Friends of Guatemala, PO Box 33018, Washington DC  20033.



3 thoughts on “Cheerios… plain

  1. Pingback: in front of Cheerios « Kyle in Front of Things

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